OK moral dilemma. every year girlfriend and I do Xmas markets. this we are off to Prague with toddler. since this was booked my partners 16 year old daughter has got 17 year old boyfriend . she is staying at ours with my 17 year old daughter while car are away. my daughter goes to college so is a potential period most days for five days where in theory said step daughter and boyfriend could be alone at ours. it is worrying me to the point I don't want to go. what do people think? am I untrustworthy and over reacting or being sensible?
For step parents! Mostly
- Thread starter Siliconsteve
- Start date
Think it's just going to be one of those situations where you have to trust her to make her own decisions, as long as you've educated her about it so she's safe if she chooses to do so that's all you can do really.
I think it would be a mistake to ignore the fact that something may happen as at that age they're bodies are changing etc, and shaming the whole thing can often make it worse, everything needs to be out in the open.
The absolute worst thing you can do is not trust her as usually this ends up with them just rebelling and being irresponsible just to spite you.
I don't know from personal experience of course as I don't have any children, but there was a similar situation with my younger sister and my mum a few years back.
Just my two cents anyway!
I think it would be a mistake to ignore the fact that something may happen as at that age they're bodies are changing etc, and shaming the whole thing can often make it worse, everything needs to be out in the open.
The absolute worst thing you can do is not trust her as usually this ends up with them just rebelling and being irresponsible just to spite you.
I don't know from personal experience of course as I don't have any children, but there was a similar situation with my younger sister and my mum a few years back.
Just my two cents anyway!
We have a hot tub and they go in it together which is fine but they have to change in separate rooms. last week I caught them changing in her bedroom together. that's what has put the seed in my head, I don't want my own daughter doing sexual things under my roof let alone a 16 year old. I think that's reasonable as a parent .
@sevenfourate you never past on the last bit of information on did young Sir then the answer is very sorry but NO NOT at the moment
In all seriousness, with a 17 and 16 year old I'd be surprised if nothing sexual has happened yet anyway. When I was 17 I'm surprised my girlfriend could still walk.
The most important thing, as has been said, is imo having a chat with them about what you expect from them. Getting changed in separate rooms is fine when you're there, and letting them share the hot tub already shows them that you trust them to a certain degree. But it's best to chat with them to cover all the eventualities, and to also remind them of their responsibilities - i.e. they're being allowed to stay at home by themselves, therefore in order to show that the trust you place in them is warranted they need to behave in a certain way (however you decide you want them to). Basically, if they want to be treated like responsible adults then they have to step up and behave like it.
Don't automatically think they'll let you down, you never know, they may surprise you.
The most important thing, as has been said, is imo having a chat with them about what you expect from them. Getting changed in separate rooms is fine when you're there, and letting them share the hot tub already shows them that you trust them to a certain degree. But it's best to chat with them to cover all the eventualities, and to also remind them of their responsibilities - i.e. they're being allowed to stay at home by themselves, therefore in order to show that the trust you place in them is warranted they need to behave in a certain way (however you decide you want them to). Basically, if they want to be treated like responsible adults then they have to step up and behave like it.
Don't automatically think they'll let you down, you never know, they may surprise you.
jasonlovesfrench
Paid Member
Jimmy
Good cop
When I was with my girlfriend at around that age (bit older, 18/19), her parents allowed me to sleep in her bed in their house, on the understanding that nothing happened - that was never specifically said, however they trusted us to respect the fact it was under their roof. And we did respect it. And because of that, we earned the parents' trust.
Also, as has been said above, there is some inevitability about the fact that they will get it on at some point. You would hope that they are aware of taking precautions etc. As a parent, would you rather them do it in the safety and comfort of your house, or in the back of his car down some dark lane? That was a point that was made to my parents about my brother and his girlfriend, by her parents, when both sets of parents found out they'd been knocking boots under my parents' roof...
Also, as has been said above, there is some inevitability about the fact that they will get it on at some point. You would hope that they are aware of taking precautions etc. As a parent, would you rather them do it in the safety and comfort of your house, or in the back of his car down some dark lane? That was a point that was made to my parents about my brother and his girlfriend, by her parents, when both sets of parents found out they'd been knocking boots under my parents' roof...
Problem with that though Jimmy is if you were allowed to sleep in girlfriends bed but no nooky and parents don't want you knobing her in the back of a motor.... Where the hell did you get your freak on??:excited:
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