Car won't start - help! Electrical?

[happysack]

I've just got in my car, admittedly it has been driving for a week!

The car unlocked with the fob, then when i got in it wouldn't start.
With the key just in the car and/tried with inserted into the slot, i tried feet on brake and clutch+brake and it kept suggesting error of ESP or something.

Since then i tried few things, non of which helped, now it's in this state where it ignores me, I can't lock the car as it thinks the drivers door is open.
When i try start the car it shows me errors in lots of languages in a loop.

Other electricals like the CD player/Headunit are totally unresponsive (also are my lights)

It now gives me error about 'turning the steering wheel' (of which i tried and it did nothing!, its not locked though..)

Any thoughts I have a car running out of bat that i can't lock fml....

Super many thanks in advance, don't want a huge bill from the garage if i can sort it

 

[Matt197]

Sound like a flat battery, give the battery a good charge.

Might need a new battery if its still the original and wont hold charge.

 

[Jimmy]

As with a lot of electrical-related faults, first port of call is to check the drain holes in the scuttle panels to make sure they aren't blocked and water isn't gathering there... this has been known to cause electrical gremlins.

Otherwise it could be a battery issue??

 

[chongwong]

Get somebody to give you a jump start. If it works it was probably just a flat battery caused by sitting still for some time.

 

[chris1888-197]

Get a hold of a volt meter and see what your battery is reading m8. Should be 12 volts and above 14 volts when running.

 

[happysack]

Awesome, battery seem to have done it.
I just expected nothingness from a flat battery not it acting like some freak!

 

[Pav]

not a first reported case actually...a flat battery can cause all sorts of weird issues..glad its sorted..

 

[p3nn]

I can vouch for this as of my last thread.

Sounds suspiciously like the problems i was having, try a new battery!

http://www.clio197.net/forum/showthread.php?53080-HELP!-Clio-197-is